If you are here, you've tried many things already. Chances are many things have not worked and pursuing couples therapy may be your last ditch effort to save your relationship. You may have just discovered your partner's affair or you may have discovered it another time after many affairs. You may have tried talking to your partner about this but have noticed those conversations never get anywhere and only seem to make things more tense. Chances are you've thought of leaving and have even faced the fear of how that would affect you and those you love. You may be worrying about your children, finances, and even what others may think.
The many decisions in front of you are very challenging and taxing at a time when you may feel you have no energy and want to give up. Perhaps your thoughts have even gone to a very dark place and if that is the case I am so sorry. I hope that in this time you will reach out for help. Whether it be from a professional, a family member, or a trusted friend, I encourage you to lean on the support of others.
If we should work together, my goal would be to help you decide what to do next about your relationship. More specifically, I would want to help you decide whether it makes sense to try to repair the trust and the relationship or to part ways and move forward in different directions.
REPAIRING THE TRUST AND HEALING THE RELATIONSHIP
This would involve going through the feelings of loss associated with the affair, discussing what contributed to the affair happening in the first place, discussing one another's needs moving forward, and opening up lines of communication about how the affair affects both you and your partner.
SEPARATION OR DIVORCE
It is possible that as a result of our work together you, your partner, or both of you may decide to end the relationship. If that should happen, my work with each of you would not be done. I would want to help each of you find ways to move forward in light of the many changes to come in your lives. Separation or even divorce is a huge life change and adjustment and I would want to be there to help you make sense of it all. Initially there may be a shock for one or both of you, but over time this would wear off and life would hopefully begin to make sense again. At this point, my work would be to help you to be at peace with moving forward with this new direction in your life.
If it would produce a conflict of interest to work with each of you individually, I would make efforts to refer one of you or both of you to a skilled therapist.